Coluan Puberty
by zelphyr117
Summary: When Brainiac 5 begins Coluan Puberty, he-and everyone around him-is confused. Read the story to find out more rated M for some language and...thingies.
1. The Beginning

LEGION OF SUPERHEROES HEAD QUARTERS, TUESDAY, 6:55: A.M., PACIFIC TIME, DECEMBER 1, 3031

Brainiac 5 woke up, feeling tired and slightly irritated for no reason. "Ugh, what is it this time…COMPUTER!" Yes, Brainiac 5?" "Scan for diseases" he watched as a tiny sliding door in the wall opened to reveal a little red light bulb. It flashed a bright red light and started to scan him. He stood completely still as the light beam slid up and down his body, and when it was finished, the bulb turned off and the tiny little door closed shut. He heard a faint whirring, and the computer told him the results.

"According to biological scans, you have just begun the process of Coluan adolescence, or puberty."

"…What?"

LEGION OF SUPERHEROES HEAD QUARTERS, TUESDAY, 7:35 A.M., PACIFIC TIME, DECEMBER 1, 3031

Brainiac 5 walked into the kitchen and sat down, not saying a word to anyone. "Good morning Bra-" "Go away, Vi." Shrinking Violet looked in shock at Brainiac 5. He had never reacted that way when she said good morning to him. At least, not since that day…

"What's your problem?" said Lightning Lad, as he walked into the room in his usual cocky manner. Brainiac 5 turned around and gave him a death glare, making Lightning Lad regret ever saying a word to the cyborg. He quickly grabbed a cup of coffee and walked out of the room. Shrinking Violet decided that she was going to talk to the others about the way he was acting. _"He never acts like this! I wonder what's wrong…"_ she thought as she went into the Legion of Superheroes lounge room. Superboy was sitting on the couch, reading a book about his future self, Lightning Lad was sitting in a chair nearby, staring at his coffee on the coffee table, Saturn Girl was looking worriedly at him whilst leaning against a far wall, and Timber Wolf was reading a cooking magazine. She didn't know where the others were-probably in their rooms; she decided that she would just talk to them today. "Um…guys?" everyone looked up at her. "I think there's something wrong with Brainy…"

LEGION OF SUPERHEROES HEAD QUARTERS, TUESDAY, 7:50 A.M., PACIFIC TIME, DECEMBER 1, 3031

"So he's been a huge grump all morning? That's it?" "Well, he never acts like this, especially not towards me for some reason…" "I think I better talk to him." Saturn Girl turned to Shrinking Violet. "Okay…" Saturn Girl tuned around and headed towards the kitchen, when Lightning Lad suddenly spoke "He looked like he was about to kill me."

"What?" Saturn Girl turned around to face him. "I asked him what his problem was when I heard him talk to Vi…he looked like he was about to rip me to shreds." Saturn Girl looked at Lightning Lad in shock; he was staring blankly at the floor. _"Lightning Lad looks scared to death; is it really that bad?" _ "Well, I'll try and see what's wrong…" she turned around and headed into the kitchen. He was still sitting there, motionless. "Brainy? Are you-" he turned around to face her, with the same deadly look that had frightened Lightning Lad so badly. "**What?**" "Are you ok? You seem-" "I'm fine, now leave me ALONE!" he shrieked, getting up and knocking the table over. He stormed out of the room as if he had just lost a trillion-dollar contest. She tried to read his mind, but she found nothing…nothing understandable anyways. It was all just a confusing mess of emotions. _"Wait a second-I've seen this before…but…it's not possible for Brainy…_

…_is it?"_


	2. The Symptoms and Stages

LEGION OF SUPERHEROES HEADQUARTERS, TUESDAY, 8: 45 A.M., PACIFIC TIME, DECEMBER 1, 3031

"Are you completely sure you know what's wrong with him?" Timber Wolf looked over to Saturn Girl as they walked into the empty lab, where Computo resided. "I read his mind. I know what I saw." Saturn Girl walked up to Computo and booted "him" up. "This isn't another Alignment, is it?" Superboy looked worriedly over to Saturn Girl. "Not exactly. It usually isn't THAT bad, but what I saw wasn't pretty." "What usually isn't that bad?" Shrinking Violet walked up to her. Saturn Girl looked at her and could easily see that she couldn't have been more worried for Brainiac 5. "Computo. Search 'Coluan Puberty'." Computo whirred quietly, and within a few seconds, a few articles popped up. "Computo. Open article: 'The Coluan Adolescence Stage'." The article popped up, and Saturn Girl began to read it aloud:

"The Coluan adolescence stage lasts 3 weeks and often occurs around the ages of 12 to 15. If this never occurs after age 16, see article: 'Coluan Systematical Errors and How to Take Care of them'.

The first stage takes place during (of course) the first week. The symptoms include:

-Moodiness

-Lack of sleep

-Heightened irritability

-Frequent 'rage quits'

The worst part of the first stage is the swirl of emotions they experience. Scientific studies have shown that their mood swings and 'rage quits' are the equivalent of a human female during menstruation.

The second stage is not as bad as the first, but the symptoms change:

-Hyperactivity

-Insanity

These are the only two known symptoms of this stage. It takes place during the second week, of course.

The third stage is when the actual growing and changing occurs. The symptoms include:

-Isolating oneself

-Being 'snappy'

-Pacing

-Needing desperately to be alone

-Increased arousal possibilities

The last symptom was carefully observed and was thought to be a glitch in their mental code or a systematical error. Since Coluans cannot reproduce until they reach adulthood, there could be no 'mating' to occur. But, after studying for 2 years, it has been proved that this was indeed no error. In fact, the Coluans made sure that this was extremely prominent and easily spotted. The reason why still baffles scientists of all galaxies and races."

Saturn Girl turned around to the others. Everyone stared blankly at the screen. "Puberty? Brainy's a robot, for Christs sake!" Bouncing Boy finally blurted out. Everyone turned to Saturn Girl. "What are we going to do?" asked Triplicate Girl. "We wait it out, Triplicate Girl." Saturn Girl looked over to Triplicate Girl

"We wait it out."


End file.
